From the fruity pina colada to the manly Jack and coke, cocktails have come quite a long way since they became popular in the roaring twenties. Unfortunately, some flavors just don't go together and when a disgusting cocktail gets an even grosser name, the result can be enough to send anyone to Alcoholics Anonymous. A hearty bottoms up should go out to anyone who can keep these drinks down.
Bloody Tampon
Sometimes the ingredients in a drink just make you ask "why?" and in this case, the answer is clear: so someone could create a drink red, white and offensive enough to earn the title of "Bloody Tampon." So how does one make a bloody tampon? Simply mix together whiskey, tequila, vodka, V8, lemon juice and Baileys for the chance to taste a chunky, blood-red cup of grossness.
Horse Jizz
I don't know what's grosser about this drink: the name or the ingredients. After all, mixing beer with milk is something that even the drunkest moron would recognize as a bad idea. If you like thick, frothy drinks named after animal semen, you should probably seek a therapist, not a bartender.
Smoker's Cough
Not only does the smoker's cough, made with Jagermeister and mayonnaise, look like the crap that smokers wharf out of their lungs and it's just about as unhealthy. On top of all that, the flavor is probably worse than the tar-filled phlegm from its namesake.
Prairie Oyster & Prairie Chicken
Surprisingly, the prairie oyster is not related to rocky mountain oysters in any way. Instead, it's like an ultimate version of hair in the dog, combining bourbon, Tabasco and a raw egg. Maybe it's just me, but it seems that throwing up first thing in the morning isn't a great way to fight a hangover, even if this is a quick way to get your breakfast down.
The Prairie chicken is similar, except that it manages to be even more revolting. While the replacing of the Tabasco with salt and pepper is a step in the right direction, replacing bourbon with gin sends this drink to a whole new level of cocktail hell. Just imagine the pine tree flavor of gin swimming around a raw, drippy egg and try not to throw up.
Hot Mexican Hooker
Just like a real Mexican hooker, there is never any excuse to reach for this vomit-inducing shot made with tequila, Tabasco sauce and the juice from a can of tuna fish. On the upside, while the drink might ruin your night or give you a terrible hangover the next day, it can't give you any diseases to carry around for the rest of your life.
Cement Mixer
This one's not so much about the flavor as the texture. By swirling lime juice in your mouth before shooting some Baileys you're sure to get some chunky curdling going on before you swallow. When things start to stick to your molars and tonsils, you'll soon realize why they call it a cement mixer.
Motor Oil
While Jagermeister, peppermint schnapps, cinnamon schnapps and coconut rum might not taste quite as disgusting as a shot of motor oil, the sickening blend certainly looks the part. Worst of all, it probably will make you more sick than drinking fluids from your car.
Bourbon Treat
This disaster, made from equal parts bourbon, peppermint schnapps, ouzo, Jagermeister, Goldschlager and blue curacao, is as much of a treat as a kick to the groin. After all, when was the last time you thought about mixing the flavors of whiskey, peppermint, black liquorice, jager, cinnamon and orange? In the end it will probably end up tasting like a giant ball of used, multi-flavored chewing gums.
NyQuil
The best thing about NyQuil is that it puts you to sleep so fast that you don't have time to retch from the terrible herbal flavor, but this cocktail isn't strong enough to knock you out, so you're stuck savoring the herbal, berry, citrus flavor that occurs when you combine triple sec, grenadine and sambuca together.
Macaroni and Cheese Jell-O Shot
Ordinarily, Jell-O shots are a great way to drink without having to taste the booze, but anything that lists "cheese rum" as one of the ingredients is certainly not something you want to ingest. They do look cool and make great conversation starters though.
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